Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Dear Alvin and Vivian

"Count to ten, take it in,
This is life before you know who you're gonna be"
Taylor Swift, Fifteen

When I told a friend that I was starting a blog, he asked me "Is it safe to read?"I was like wtfhewvdxhvehxve of course it's safe to read, why wouldn't it be? Then I was lead to read the whole scandal involving Malaysians in Singapore who post pictures of themselves engaged in various sexual activities on their blog called Sumptuous Erotica. Sounds so sexual wtf. I was reading through the online articles from the Star and got more and more puzzled. This is how they look like:
Photo Credits: Youtube, The Star(capture)

And there were a million comments because Malaysians like our opinions to be heard wtf most of them ranged from wtf why are you shamming your family and village and goat to why the hell is Vivian so ugly? Will not comment on the first but the second is so wtfbbq why do people always comment on how the girl looks when there is some scandal? It is like omg she did something wrong now I can comment on how she looks without feeling bad hahahaha and then feel self righteous because she deserves to be stoned wtf. In all honesty, I don't think she looks bad.

But then, being the Malaysian I am I also want my opinion to be heard hahahahahahah wtf. So assuming that The Star reported what she actually said, I am curious as to... 

Dear Vivian, the Internet is not meant for private affairs. Also, you said that you intended for the world to see how much you love each other. I think that is called marriage wtf

HUH? When is it OK for Westerners to do it? If it were say... 
then yes I am sure half of the world's population or more would love for him to have a blog like yours hahahaha but I find it funny how Malaysians tend to say "Why is it ok for Westeners to do xyz..." 

Tell me how that goes

Also... what I would really really really like to know is
How do you concentrate on having sex while thinking of how and what to post on your blog? Isn't hard enough to concentrate without thinking of say... what to eat for dinner/are you too loud/why is it so ticklish/should we get a new bed/what was the lyrics to that song/should I have showered first... wtf. 

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Happy Halloween

"You say it best, when you say nothing at all"
Ronan Keating, When You Say Nothing At All

How to Make A Monster for Halloween

"Cause this is thriller, thriller night"
Michael Jackson, Thriller

I was in America when I first saw this ugly looking doll which costs about 30USD for a normal sized one. It just looks so silly when you put it in a room of normal looking teddy bears. Then... a wave of artsyness hit and it became the cutest thing in the world! Now I am obsessed and am trying to spread the love for this creature.

OMG there are so many of them!!! I'm dying of cuteness

My Own Ugly! It has a face only a mother could love and that sums up the love I feel for my Ugly (called Uppy) because I feel like she needs to be protected from the world.

So, to spread my love for Ugly around the world, I decided to start gifting them so that others will understand the motherlove I feel. And then... I came home to Malaysia and it is unavailable/rediculously expensive. So, like the true Malaysian I am, I decided to make my own copy of it.

#1 draw ugly's outline on a piece of paper and trace into cloth which has been folded in two. Of course #pre-1 is buy cloth

#2 pin the two sides of cloth together 

#3 Cut out shape with a sharp pair of scissors

#4 Cut out eyes from white cloth

#5 saw eyes on and add black part of eyes with black thread. Cut out some black strip or use a thin ribbon for mouth. Make a mouth or teeth(whichever you think is cuter) from another small strip of cloth
#6 sew the two pieces of cloth(besides the head area) inside out and then turn it around. 

#7 The smaller parts like hands are difficult to turn around, so use twizzers to pull them out. 

#8 Add cotton from the top(the head part which has not been sewn).

I forgot to take pictures of this one, It follows basically the same steps

The end

Now go and spread some ugly love to the world <3 <3 <3

Surpriseeee... I'm Ugly!

Source: MSN News

Was thinking of deep philosophical thoughts with classical music in the the background when I stumbled upon this vapid news. OK fine, I was doing nothing of use and then my friend told me about this and I as curious as my bunny so I googled it and thought it was hilarious. 

I always thought about how babies would turn out if their mum or dad did plastic surgery and looked like the most gorgeous thing on earth and then their kids turn out like... People always try to talk about how everyone in the world is beautiful and stuff like that... but ugliness is just the compliment of beauty, one can't exist without the other. 

But hahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHhahahhahahahHhahahah this piece of news is hilarious. I wonder what the judge said to her, "I'm sorry, you are guilty of being UGLY" haahahahahahahhaa I guess I always felt a little like it's not "right" when other people have plastic surgery because it feels kinda like it was not given. I cannot make my little brain smarter even though I am Asian and we are supposed to have smart genes wtf, why can someone make their nose sharper/eyes bigger/lips poutier. I guess it is fair in the end because it can't  be passed onto your genes, and hey, if they are willing to go through the pain of getting it done(the only reason I am not getting a certain part of my anatomy larger haha wtf), then I guess they deserve having whatever feature they want to enhance. 

Oh wait.. I read it again. POOR BABY. now the baby is going to be forever known as the ugly baby and he will have to have plastic surgery and then his kids and his kids kids and oh nooooo *cries a little for the little baby*

OMGGGGG...Don't tell me that this news is fake. I spent a whole 30 minutes thinking about it. 

Why Come Home to Malaysia?

"I hear the sounds, from the places where I was born"
Swedish House Mafia, Don't You Worry Child

When I learnt that I was going to the US for four years to make friends, party, learn to save the world and obtain a great education, one of the first advice that I get from most people is to find a job there and not to come back. With exactly that goal in mind, I made sure to get into a great university there, make lots of friends from places which are not Malaysian and lose all the lahs and ehs from my normal conversations. It worked for 3 years until I came back in the summer of 2011. I found an amazing internship opportunity in KL which at the time, I just thought of as an excellent way to meet new friends and party wtf.

But as the universe has a weird way of giving you what you want in ways that you did not ask for, it did. During that one little summer, I was reminded of all the reasons I loved this place so much to begin with. It all starts with the people... and then there is this list of things that I can think of that should make anyone who is thinking about returning return to the  
                                                                                                     motherland wtf.

 #1 Cheap good local food

#2 Places to eat for when you are feeling more pretentious

#3 It is not weird to camwhore in public

#4 There are beautiful maidens everywhere wtf
#5 And of course there's always family
#6 And mermaids..

#7 And weird warnings from our government

Of course, there is a lot more to think about, but right now I think I made the best decision. There has been a lot of change and a lot more in the process, and the most important thing is to build a circle of friends, and with that everywhere suddenly becomes more fun.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

He say one and one and one is three

" Que voy a hacer... Je ne sais pas"
   Me Gustas Tu, Manu Chao

I usually spend a long time cooking when I can, it's one of my favoritestttt things to do. Somehow today, I got caught up in a million things and it was 2pm and I realized that I have eaten nothing:( So I was going to microwave something but realized that I don't know how the time setting really works and the last time something went in there it turned out like this....

While I do enjoy extra baked buns, I thought it be better than I come up with a 15 minute meal to trick myself into thinking that I am living a healthy lifestyle. Sooooo, in case you are too lazy to cook/are hopeless in the kitchen but want to cook for someone/are afraid of the microwave... here's a lazy guide to cooking in 15 minutes *ahemmmm bf if you are reading this*

#1 Take little beef strips out of the fridge. These costed only RM 3.30 from Giant...*beams with housewifelike pride with good household bargains wtf*

#2 Season with pepper, salt and some mixed herb shaker thing. By season, I mean drown.  Now, you can ignore it for a while
#3 While ignoring the little beef strips, boil pasta in salt water

#4 Chop garlic and fry in olive oil. There was supposed to be chilli flakes but this is a special version of this... fine no.. I forgot to buy chilli flakes. So let's ignore that part of it.

#5 Pour this on the pasta...after draining the water and putting the pasta on the plate.

#6 Fry beef with a little bit of olive oil til you think it looks cooked.

#7 Put all on a decent looking plate so it looks like you spent more than 15 minutes on this.

#8 If the plate still doesn't do it, put in front of things that make you feel cultured/artsy/creative/etc and put on some jazz or something pretentious like that wtf

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Here Comes the Sun, Little Darling

"Say you don't need no diamond ring 
And I'll be satisfied"

The Beatles, Can't Buy Me Love

When you find people you grew up with getting married left and right, it shifts your world around, even by just a little. It made me wonder how.. in another lifetime, that could be me. I had this grand plan, get married at 25, have kids by 27 and watch them grow. 

I will be the little snowman because I am fragile like our love so he would have to protect me wtf
Then, bigger dreams got in the way, and to squeeze them in, marriage in my head is pushed further and further away. Soon, I would have relatives introducing their godchild's sister's mother's cousin's cousin's friend's colleague to me hoping that I would get married wtf. Working during my internship, I realised that there are a lot of things I cannot understand when people talk about their kids... and this might happen when everyone around me is happily with kids and I have my 9228342935 cats.... and look like this 

But in all honesty, I'm not ready for the whole marriage thing, and will probably not be for a long time. I'm still about 5 years old and the closest thing I feel to motherhood is for my Bunny. I don't know how to explain it... when I look at her, I feel like she is my world. I usually have no patience, but she has peed on my bedsheets 3 times(ok more like 10), ate parts my GMAT book (for real, not an excuse not to do my homework), destroyed both my iPhone and laptop chargers... but I still think she is the smartest and sweetest thing in the world 
*tears a little* 

Hello there... my name is Bunny!
Hewwwooo worrldddd

.... Of couse, if you ask my other child, this plant here, she wouldn't think Bunny is so cute



"Some people believe in God, I believe in Music. Some people pray, I turn up the radio."
30 Seconds to Mars, Closer to the Edge

Who decides when the year starts? When the clock strikes midnight after 11.59pm on December 31st, when the paddy in the fields are ready for harvest... when the moon completes its phases? All of it seems so concrete, so decided yet it seems to flow so seamlessly. The beginnings all seem so rushed and fully of giddy excitement of new plans, new promises, and rid of all the staleness of last year. 

In a country with so many such beginnings, October does not offer such a gift. But on the eve of my turning 23, I seem to be hit but a quarter-life crisis. So many times, we are told to follow our dreams, whatever they might be. But I am tired of trying so hard to make dreams, mold them into something which I think I could be proud of, then finding that they were always someone else's dream I am trying to steal and call my own. I am more impulsive than most, having dreams so intense that I feel like I must not get out of the little bubbles that I have created for myself, but like all bubbles, they burst and then nothing is left but the memories of those bubbles. 

So, instead, I am making this jar, to collect all those memories. So maybe one day, when I grow into the person who can achieve all this dreams...I could let them slowly escape, and live them. So here's to my own new year, to love, live and rage.