Here Comes the Sun, Little Darling

"Say you don't need no diamond ring 
And I'll be satisfied"
The Beatles, Can't Buy Me Love

When you find people you grew up with getting married left and right, it shifts your world around, even by just a little. It made me wonder how.. in another lifetime, that could be me. I had this grand plan, get married at 25, have kids by 27 and watch them grow. 



I will be the little snowman because I am fragile like our love so he would have to protect me wtf

Then, bigger dreams got in the way, and to squeeze them in, marriage in my head is pushed further and further away. Soon, I would have relatives introducing their godchild's sister's mother's cousin's cousin's friend's colleague to me hoping that I would get married wtf. Working during my internship, I realised that there are a lot of things I cannot understand when people talk about their kids... and this might happen when everyone around me is happily with kids and I have my 9228342935 cats.... and look like this 

But in all honesty, I'm not ready for the whole marriage thing, and will probably not be for a long time. I'm still about 5 years old and the closest thing I feel to motherhood is for my Bunny. I don't know how to explain it... when I look at her, I feel like she is my world. I usually have no patience, but she has peed on my bedsheets 3 times(ok more like 10), ate parts my GMAT book (for real, not an excuse not to do my homework), destroyed both my iPhone and laptop chargers... but I still think she is the smartest and sweetest thing in the world 

*tears a little* 

Hello there... my name is Bunny!

Hewwwooo worrldddd

.... Of couse, if you ask my other child, this plant here, she wouldn't think Bunny is so cute

 

Imagine

"Some people believe in God, I believe in Music. Some people pray, I turn up the radio."
30 Seconds to Mars, Closer to the Edge

Who decides when the year starts? When the clock strikes midnight after 11.59pm on December 31st, when the paddy in the fields are ready for harvest... when the moon completes its phases? All of it seems so concrete, so decided yet it seems to flow so seamlessly. The beginnings all seem so rushed and fully of giddy excitement of new plans, new promises, and rid of all the staleness of last year. 

In a country with so many such beginnings, October does not offer such a gift. But on the eve of my turning 23, I seem to be hit but a quarter-life crisis. So many times, we are told to follow our dreams, whatever they might be. But I am tired of trying so hard to make dreams, mold them into something which I think I could be proud of, then finding that they were always someone else's dream I am trying to steal and call my own. I am more impulsive than most, having dreams so intense that I feel like I must not get out of the little bubbles that I have created for myself, but like all bubbles, they burst and then nothing is left but the memories of those bubbles. 

So, instead, I am making this jar, to collect all those memories. So maybe one day, when I grow into the person who can achieve all this dreams...I could let them slowly escape, and live them. So here's to my own new year, to love, live and rage.